


Dime Bag Darling

by violethoure666



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Drug Dealing, F/M, High School AU, Light Angst, Poor Rey, Weed, Weed Smoking, everyone’s a stoner, rich ben, stoners
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-03
Updated: 2019-06-16
Packaged: 2020-04-07 08:29:04
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 10,553
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19081288
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/violethoure666/pseuds/violethoure666
Summary: Rey Johnson has been selling weed at her high school for petty cash for a while when she starts selling to her least favorite kid, Ben Solo. After all, money is money, even if it does come from extra snobby rich boys.





	1. One

**Author's Note:**

> This is for a friend of mine :)

2013

 

It’s a rainy day and fourteen year old Rey Johnson doesn’t have the right shoes for it. 

 

There’s an awful storm and she has no idea, doesn’t even own rain boots anyway. She’s only been in this new foster home for a month.  

 

Her feet are squelching in her shoes when she gets to her homeroom, and suddenly she hears laughter. 

 

Ben Solo is staring at her, openly eying her up and down. 

 

“Get caught in the rain, Johnson?” he asks, tone teasing. 

 

Ben has never spoken to Rey before, and she feels her cheeks heat up with shame. Next to him, Poe Dameron laughs wildly. 

 

“Those are some seriously messed up shoes my dude,” Poe says. 

 

Rey doesn’t have anything to say, she’s mortified at being called out. She tries to shrug, turns away from the boys and sinks into a seat, desperate to ignore the soft laughs still coming from behind her. 

  
  


She won't talk to Ben Solo again for years. 

  
  


2015

 

Rey didn’t mean to start selling weed. It’s not like she’s weed crazy or likes the thrill of it or something. It’s just that weed is something there is  _ a lot _ of lying around at Plutt’s and she’s already working night shifts at the movie theater downtown so it just sort of makes sense to make extra money where she can. 

 

She’s only sixteen, a junior in high school, she sells dime bags to other kids, nothing crazy. Still, she sells a lot of weed. She’s able to double her income in the first two months and it just sort of sticks. 

 

She buys herself a cell phone. She bikes around after school and brings a stash to school to sell in the bathroom and with her at work for the old dudes who come to midnight movies, the ones with the money to buy bigger if only she could supply. 

 

But it’s scraped together dime bags, under Plutt’s radar. He will just think she’s smoking it and it’s not like he  _ really  _ cares. Not about that.

 

***

  
  


She sells a bag to Gwen Pharis after first period and one to Paige Tico during lunch but it’s not until sixth that she’s approached by a boy she’s been avoiding for two years.

 

Ben Solo has never bought weed from her before. 

 

“Hey,” he says, in that causal way that guys do with her when the know exactly what they want and that she’s going to give it to them. It’s as if he has no memory of the last time they spoke, of how much Rey replays that memory in her head. 

 

“Sup?” she asks, shifting her backpack, praying he doesn’t notice the holes in it.

 

“Hux said maybe you could hook me up.” It isn’t even a question. It’s a fact. He knows she can, and she can. 

 

“What did you need?” 

 

Ben shrugs,  _ so _ casual. 

 

“Whatever Hux normally gets, I like his shit. Just tell me how much.” 

 

“Twenty five,” Rey says, which is five dollars more than she charges Hux but Ben Solo is rich; his backpack has no holes and he has a silver watch on and she sort of hates him. 

 

“Sure,” he says, fishing out a leather wallet. 

 

“Not right here,” Rey says, and Ben blinks, looks around the classroom. 

 

“Meet me by the flagpole after school. Have the money already in your hand. You’ve seen movies, right?” 

 

Ben nods, still looking unaffected and bored. 

 

“Sure,” he says again, shrugging. 

 

Then he goes back to ignoring her. 

 

***

 

He does meet her at the flagpole after school; and then it becomes a weekly thing for them. Friday is flagpole day. Ben gives Rey a little handshake and they swap, a gram of weed for his crisp bills. 

 

After two months, she drops the price, a little ashamed at overcharging him. He’s kind of harmless, even if he is kind of a douche. 

 

He even plays lacrosse, which just  _ seems _ douchier than football for whatever reason and he always has clean, crisp clothes and she saw his socks once and they were from Barney’s. 

 

She googled them. They cost $92. For socks. 

 

So Rey sort of figured five dollars for him isnt the same as it is for her. 

 

It just  _ cant _ be. 

 

Still, the guilt wins out in the end. 

 

Ben eyes her a little wearily, as if he thinks she’s cutting  _ him _ a deal because she _ likes him  _ or something so she shifts her bag onto her shoulder and says, “I only charge Hux twenty.” 

 

Ben’s face shifts into another unreadable expression but he drops it, he will to fact check her later, she’s sure, but whatever. 

 

He doesn’t push it, just nods and takes his five back and walks away. 

 

***

 

Rey doesn’t really remember her parents. Sometimes she remembers a pattern on a rug, and reaching for a woman with long, thin legs. 

 

She doesn’t even remember her first two foster homes, doesn’t remember anything until Maz.

 

Maz is the closest thing she’s ever had to a mother, and Rey lived with her from the time she was six until she was ten. It was the happiest time of her life. 

 

Then Maz got sick, too sick to keep custody of her, and Rey was forced back out. 

 

Maz died a year later. Rey wasn’t there. 

 

She landed at Plutt’s at fourteen and as much as he sucks, he isn't as bad as some of the other places. 

 

He doesn't care what she does as long as she keeps the house tidy and stays out of his way. She is an extra source of income to him, but he has a fridge full of food and she has her own room and he even lets her work nights and skim his weed. 

 

It could be much, much worse. 

 

Rey finds the house empty, she can hear Plutt and his friends playing poker in the garage, can smell the cigar smoke carried by the wind. 

 

She goes upstairs to her little room, deadbolts the door— a habit she can’t drop, and one that Plutt has never minded. He even bought her the deadbolt, back during that first week. 

 

Rey sighs, pulls out her own pipe and packs a bowl. She doesn’t usually smoke, prefers to sell everything she can scrape together, but she’s thinking about Ben solo.  She wonders if he has a bong, if he uses papers or maybe a pipe. She wonders what he looks like stoned, dark eyes red and squinted, smiling. 

 

Rey doesn’t like thinking about Ben Solo. Doesn’t like thinking about anything she knows she will never have. 

 

So instead of dwelling she uses her phone to watch Netflix, and then falls asleep on top of the covers. 

  
  


2016

  
  


Every Friday and Saturday night Rey works the midnight movie showing.

 

This week it’s Casablanca. She’s never even seen it, doesn’t really care to. 

 

One of her regulars comes through, smiling at her. 

 

“You looking for some extra concessions?” Rey smiles at the man. Luke Skywalker. 

 

Luke smiles back and shakes his head. 

 

“I have a proposition for you.” His voice is low and laced with something secret, something mean to entice. 

 

“Oh?” 

 

“I recently came into possession of some… concessions. Larger amounts. Could you move it if I cut you in?” 

 

Rey thinks, tilts her head.

 

“I overcharge already, but if you’re willing to go halfisies I think we could make it work.” 

 

“Excellent,” Luke hands her a piece of paper with an address. 

 

“Come by on Sunday,” he says, winking at her, and then he walks past her and into Casablanca. 

 

***

 

Luke’s place is cool, Rey has to admit. He is a self proclaimed collector. 

 

When Rey asks what he collected, he replies with “What don’t I collect,” which seems fitting. 

 

He has swords, bottle caps, beanie babies, Pokémon cards, spice girls toys, Barbie dolls, Nike shoes. 

 

A little bit of everything, all stacked neatly on shelves. It’s not hoarding, it’s too clean, but it is… different. 

 

He leads her through a few rooms and into a sunny den. There’s two giant bags of weed. 

 

“I can’t carry all that,” Rey says, because it’s her first thought. She’s on a bike, she just has her shorty backpack— 

 

“We don’t have to start with all of it. Just some of it. Half the first bag?” 

 

Rey has never seen that much weed in one spot. She wonders if there are other drugs here. If there are guns. Maybe it was dumb to come here. She doesn’t let her facial expression shift. 

 

“Okay,” she says, trying to be as causal and Ben always seems. 

 

But she calms back down when Luke helps her ziplock half of the first bag and they pack it into her empty backpack. He’s just a weird old hippy dude, not a druglord. 

 

Luke eyes the straps of her bag. 

 

“You should get a new bag.” 

 

“First thing on my list once we move this,” she says. 

 

Luke eyes her and she can see his brain working. Limes he can see how poor she is, why she does this, just a sad girl from the wrong side of the tracks. She squirms.

 

“Hold on,” he says, and he disappears. He comes back with a new jansport after a minute. 

 

“I’m never gonna use this, I have six.”

 

Rey doesn’t like taking gifts, but Luke’s house is so full of  _ stuff _ that taking something out seems like a good idea. 

 

They switch everything over to the new backpack. 

 

“I’ll meet you back here next Sunday with your cut,” she says happily, following Luke to the trash cans outside his house, where he throws away her old backpack and she unlocks her bike.  

 

“See you then, kid.” 

 

Luke waves as she takes off back down the road. 

 

Rey feels the first pangs of excitement hit her. If she can move all of this she will have $300 just for herself. She can’t even imagine what she will do with that much money. Especially since she doesn’t even need a new backpack now. 

 

Rey smiles as she coasts down a little hill, enjoying the October sun on her face and the feeling of freedom as she cruises. 

 

Now all she has to do is sell more weed. 

 


	2. Two

 

Rey makes more in a week than she used to make in a month, and so Luke becomes her steady supplier. She buys a safe to store her weed and her cash in, hides it in her closet. Plutt isn’t the type to snoop, she thinks, but maybe she’s just never had anything worth snooping for. 

 

She doesn’t spend much, doesn’t want to risk him asking where she’s getting money. As far as he knows, she works a few days a week taking ticket stubs. 

 

What Rey really needs is a car. A long, cold fall filled with biking has made her strong but weary. She won’t be able to do it when everything ices over. 

 

She is so, so close. 

 

And then it snows. 

 

It’s early for snow, the end of November, and it’s not that it’s a lot of snow, it isn’t, it’s just going to make things so much harder with all the extra deliveries Rey has been doing. 

 

It’s a Friday, so she meets Ben after sixth period at the flagpole like always, she slips him a baggie and he slips her money. It takes her a second to realize he gave her too much. 

 

“It's only twenty,” she says. 

 

Ben looks surprised that she’s talking to him. His eyes dart away, and then find her again. She wonders if he’s embarrassed to be seen with her. 

 

“I just— this new stuff is a lot better.” 

 

It’s true, she can’t deny it, but still… what kind of weirdo purposely overpays for weed. 

 

“It’s only twenty,” she says again, handing him back a five. 

 

He doesn’t take it. 

 

“You should keep it,” he says, and she can’t be sure it’s not  _ pity  _ she’s hearing. 

 

“I don’t need it,” she lies. 

 

“Yes you do,” Ben says, and Rey actually considers hitting him. She can’t get called into the office, though. She has bags on her. “That’s why you were charging twenty five before.” 

 

“Conning you out of a few dollars isn’t the same accepting it as charity,” she says defensively. 

 

“Do you even hear yourself?” he asks her, and he looks almost fond, his face dimpled from smiling. 

 

Her phone buzzes, sparing her from answering. She’s sure he will walk away as soon as she looks down, she’s still holding the five as well as the twenty, but he doesn’t move away from her. 

 

She tries not to be annoyed by this which is easy once she reads the text. 

 

Then she’s annoyed for real. 

 

“Shit,” she says, rolling her eyes. 

 

“What is it?”

 

“I have to do a drop down on Keller Lane and it’s the opposite way from my house, where my stash is, and then I gotta double back for fucking work later.” 

 

Ben nods as if this is indeed annoying. He doesn’t look nearly put out enough for Rey’s taste. 

 

“On my bike,” she adds. “In the snow.” 

 

“I’ll drive you,” he says. 

 

It’s almost too good to pass up, almost. But she can’t help it— her distrust of Ben runs deep. 

 

“Don’t you have— I don’t know, things to do?” 

 

“Nope,” he says, smiling softly. “My life probably isn’t as exciting as you think it is.” 

 

“I don’t think about your life at all,” Rey says, and it’s such a lie but it comes out so  _ sharp _ and so  _ sure _ . 

 

Ben’s smile falters, he looks almost chastised before he shuffles back a little. 

 

Fuck. It’s freezing outside, the snow is falling around them, turning the green to white. She looks at the road, and then back at Ben. 

 

“I mean,” Rey says, “if you really don’t mind I— I  _ could _ use a ride.” 

 

Ben exhales and nods, and Rey feels another stab of guilt. 

 

“Thank you,” she adds, “I’ll hook you up or give you gas money or whatever. It’s a big drop.” 

 

“It’s no problem,” he says, and then there’s an awkward pause before he says. “My cars this way.” 

 

Rey eyes her bike. 

 

“I can’t leave my bike,” she says apologetically. “Can you meet me at my house? I have to grab the stuff anyway so—“ 

 

“Yeah, sure,” Ben says, and Rey figures he must  _ really  _ want free weed because he seems too easy going, too willing to do her a favor. It unsettles her, and she knows already how much he is going to pity her once he sees her house. But she gives him the coordinates with explicit instructions to just  _ wait in the car  _ and sets off. 

 

He beats her, of course, but not by much. She’s pink cheeked and wind swept as she parks her bike and flashes him her pointer finger, mouthing the words  _ just one minute _ and rushing inside. 

 

She throws her work clothes into a ziplock bag and then into her backpack, hoping they won’t stink like the weed. She loads up a full ounce, triple bagging it and then spraying the outside of her bag with perfume. 

 

It still kinda smells like weed when she gets into Ben’s car, and he looks at the backpack and then at Rey but he doesn’t say anything except “Where to, Johnson?” 

 

She gives him directions and he pulls away from Plutt’s without mentioning the filthy yard, or shitty car, or How two houses on her block are abandoned and boarded up. 

 

Rey’s heart is racing. She reminds herself that it literally doesn’t matter what Ben Solo thinks. It’s not like it could possibly change anything. She looks over at him. He has expensive looking tan cords on and a dark green hoodie. He looks effortlessly well dressed. His wrist watch glints, his car is a brand new Volvo. Not pretentious but  _ expensive _ . Just like Ben. 

 

She tries to imagine what kind of girl Ben could possibly be attracted to. If feels impossible, that anyone could turn his eye. 

 

A model, maybe, or someone older. A girl in her twenties, a college student. She can’t picture him with a girlfriend at school, he just seems so unaffected and untouchable and it’s  _ so irritating.  _

 

Rey cannot fathom what it would be like to be the center of his focus, to have someone like Ben— to have  _ Ben himself  _ and—

 

“So, how did you get into all of this?” he asks. 

 

He’s probably just trying to be polite, but his proximity is a little bit dizzying and Rey can’t think of anything to say except the truth. 

 

“My foster days just always had a lot laying around, and it was easy to skim and sell instead of smoke it.” 

 

“You don’t smoke?” Ben asks. 

 

“I do,” she says, she looks at him. “Did you know I was in foster care already.” 

 

Ben’s ears go a little a little pink. 

 

“Oh, uh— yeah. I did. I didn’t think it was like, a secret?” 

 

“It’s not,” she says defensively. “I’m used to it.”

 

“How old were you, when you first went into foster care?” 

 

“Little,” Rey says. “Five or six.” 

 

She doesn’t mention that she can’t remember exactly, that they had done their best to guess. 

 

That she doesn’t even know her birthday. 

 

“That must be really hard,” he says. 

 

He’s looking at the road, but his face is kinda scrunched up and Rey doesn’t think anyone’s ever heard her say that and not immediately apologized. 

 

“It’s whatever,” she says, shrugging, and this conversation never makes her want to cry but for some reason now she’s close. “What about you? Any siblings or exotic pets or something?” 

 

“No on all counts,” he says. “It has always been just me.” 

 

“And your parents,” Rey says. 

 

“Sometimes yes. They travel a lot, but yeah I mean. They’re okay,” he shrugs. 

 

Rey knows enough about repressing feelings to spot when someone else is hiding something. She wonders what Ben’s not telling her.

 

The idea of him both opens like a flower and closes like a door inside of her mind. It throws her off. 

 

“Thank you,” she says again. “This is— really nice.” 

 

“Oh, it’s no problem. I mean, we’ve gone to school together for nearly four years and almost never talk so— you know. It’s nice.” 

 

He isn’t looking at her, but his shoulders are a little tense and his knuckles a little white and she wonders if he actually hates this. 

 

She looks at his thighs and her face warms. She can smell him so intensely like this, in his car, windows up and heat on and she just—

 

“Yeah,” she says, “it is.” 

  
  


*** 

  
  


“Do you mind just waiting? He’s kind of jumpy,” she says to Ben apologetically. Ben nods and pulls his phone out. 

 

Rey leaves his car and walks up to Mr. Waylan’s door. 

 

She wonders who ben is texting, what he could be talking about. Maybe he’s complaining about her—

 

Mr. Waylan opens the door and ushers Rey inside. He pays for a full ounce, which puts her $150 closer to her car. 

 

She still splits everything fifty-fifty with Luke. 

 

She smiles and says goodbye and then hurries back to the heat of Ben’s car. 

 

“All good?” he asks her. 

 

Rey isn’t prone to fantasies, hasn’t had much time for them— but something about the moment just feels so natural, so weirdly domestic. She climbs into the car and can’t help but think that Ben is here because he wants to be, because he likes her, wants to help her and keep her safe. 

 

The number of people in Rey’s life who fit that description is one— and she’s dead. 

 

No one has even really touched Rey since she left Maz’s house seven years earlier. She couldn’t remember the last time she was hugged. 

 

So she wonders what it would be like to be held by Ben. 

 

She buckles herself in, looking down at her hands. “Totally,” she says, looking back at Ben and smiling. 

 

He smiles back, as if he caught it from her like a fever and pulls out onto the road again. 

 

“I could help you out, if you need rides sometimes,” he says. “With no lacrosse I’m honestly bored.” 

 

“I’m actually saving for a car,” Rey says, and she can’t keep the excitement out of her voice. 

 

“Really?” Ben looks at her, he looks intrigued. “That’s amazing.” 

 

“I’m close to what I need. I was hoping to beat winter but— that was always optimistic.” 

 

“Well in the meantime then, if you ever need. You can text me. Here—” Ben gives Rey his number. “Send me a text now so I can save it,” 

 

Rey does, because Ben sounds so sure and he talks so smooth and she just sort of— listens. 

 

It’s weird. 

 

“Thanks,” Rey says, “it really is a huge help.” 

 

Ben shrugs and smiles. It falls quiet again and Rey feels herself start to doubt, feels like she’s wasting his time and is about to apologize when Ben says something first. 

 

“Do you wanna hang out tonight?” 

 

Rey doesn’t really understand the question. 

 

“What?” 

 

“Grab food, or just blaze or— whatever.” 

 

This also sounds so casual, so friendly and normal. 

 

“Oh uh, thanks but no. I can’t.” She’s not sure if she’s imagining the way his face sort of crumples, but she adds, “No really, I work weekend nights. At the old Ace Theater? You know, off Main? It’s midnight movie nights so it’s a nice shift when I don’t have school and— I just— I have to go to work.” 

 

“Totally,” Ben says and once again, he’s unaffected, and he smiles over at her. “I can drop you off there if it’s easier?” 

 

“That would be awesome,” she says. 

 

He drives past the turn off for her house and toward the small downtown strip. 

 

The snow is still falling heavily, sticking to everything. 

 

“How will you get home?” he asks. 

 

“I get a ride from my coworker, it’s all good.” 

 

Ben nods, pulls into the parking lot of the movie theater. 

 

“Again, seriously, thank you. This was amazing.” 

 

“Just text me if you need a ride again.” 

 

“For sure, and I’ll hook you up with some extra goodies next week,” she smiles at him, a real smile. 

 

“That would be dope,” he smiles back at her. 

 

“Okay, well uh— bye.” 

 

She scrambles out of the car and into the theater. She shakes snow off and turns around to look back outside. Ben’s car is still there. He hasn’t left yet. He’s probably just texting, complaining to his friends about the shit day he had driving loser, drug dealing Rey around. 

 

She goes to the bathroom to change and comes back out and finds his car gone. 

 

She sighs, and then feels her pocket buzz. 

 

It’s one text, from Ben, and it says  _ have a good night at work _ . 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I’d love to know what you guys like about this so far, or what you’d like to see happen. Your comments and support means a lot to me!


	3. Three

Rey can’t stop thinking about Ben. It’s sort of maddening.

 

She doesn’t text him back, not right away. She has no idea if he’s just being nice or— or she doesn’t even know. Hoping for free weed? Or maybe playing some kind of joke on her? 

 

She tries to rearrange what she knows of Ben Solo. 

 

He’s rich, like all of his friends, like almost every kid she goes to school with. He’s never had a girlfriend, not that she’s known about. He’s always seemed so unaffected and easy going. She assumed that he had the perfect life, how could he not with that car and the clothes and the good breeding. She also assumed he was a dick, and that he hated her 

 

He definitely doesn’t hate her, she can see that now. 

Instead she’s a charity case to him. He feels good slipping her fives and giving her rides to work. She feels shame heat her cheeks. 

 

While the movie plays, she sweeps and then makes more popcorn and then pulls her phone out. She can’t really resist. 

 

_ Thanks, it’s pretty boring lol _

 

She vows not to even check her phone until after work but when it buzzes a minute later she gives in and reads the text immediately. 

 

_ Do you at least get to raid the snacks?  _

 

Rey smiles softly.

 

_ I definitely get to raid the snacks.  _

 

Ben texts back right away again. 

 

_ Worth it.  _

 

She pockets her phone and vows not to check it again until she’s out of work. 

 

It doesn’t buzz again, which makes it easier.

 

She doesn’t usually text people unless it’s for work. She didn’t even get a phone until she was dealing and Rey doesn’t have a lot of friends— no friends, really. She has she’s friendly with like Finn and his girlfriend Rose. But they’re school friends. They eat lunch together. They don’t really  _ hang out. _ They don’t really  _ text.  _

 

Rey has never been good at making friends. Why bother, when you’re just going to be shipped off at any moment. 

 

Rey thinks about Ben all through her shift, and on the ride home even while her coworker Carmen talks about her roommate drama. Rey is zoned out. She thinks about Ben’s hands, about his ears. She wonders what his college plans are, if his mother ever holds him, if he touches himself at night like she does sometimes. 

 

She’s flustered and worked up by the time she’s dropped off at home some time close to three am. She doesn’t work until six tomorrow, so she can sleep in. 

 

She showers and changes into pajamas and brushes her teeth. 

 

She pulls out her phone and finds Netflix, puts on  _ The Office.  _

 

She can’t pay attention though, she’s too distracted. She feels shaky— like she’s on the verge of floating away. It’s her least favorite feeling. 

 

Hollow. 

 

She wraps her arms around herself and takes slow, steadying breaths but it hardly helps. 

 

Sometimes she imagines it’s Maz holding her. Sometimes it’s a faceless man, big and strong and utterly in love with her. 

 

Tonight she imagines it’s Ben. 

 

She pictures him warm behind her, holding her so still that she can’t shake. 

 

It helps, which makes her sad. She hates how easily her heart is turned. 

 

Her head knows better. 

 

She holds herself and rocks gently, whispering  _ it’s okay, it’s okay,  _ and trying to convince her brain that’s it’s Ben’s voice instead. 

 

She calms, and quiets, and suddenly she can hear Jim and Pam as well as her thudding heart. She turns toward her phone screen, eyes heavy, and falls deep asleep. 

 

***

 

She thinks about Ben all day Saturday, too. 

 

It’s annoying, actually. He doesn’t text her anymore, but then again he texted her last and she had been the one to stop responding and  _ what is the social norm here _ she has no idea. 

 

But she thinks about him a lot, she’s thinking about him as she’s biking back to work, but the road is bumpy so she doesn’t feel her phone buzz in her bag. 

 

It’s not for another thirty minutes that she even looks at it. 

 

He texted her again. 

 

_ Do you work Sundays too?  _

 

She debates waiting to answer, but figures it’s already been long enough. She bites her lip as her thumbs move. 

 

_ Kinda, I re up my stash on Sundays, usually in the afternoon.  _

 

She waits, chewing her thumb nail. The little dots appear. They make her so nervous, she wants to throw her phone. 

 

They appear, disappear, reappear. How do people do this without having a heart attack? 

 

_ I actually blew through what you gave me on Friday, had Poe over and he’s such a hog. Can you swing by after your thing?  _

 

She thinks about it. There’s no reason not to, and even if there was she’s not sure she would pay attention to it. 

 

_ Sure, probably around 3-4 is that ok?  _

 

Ben texts back immediately. 

 

_ Perfect.  _

 

***

 

Rey wakes up earlier than normal on Sunday. She takes half of her weeks cash and bikes down to Luke’s.

 

“You’re here early,” Luke says, and she just shrugs. 

 

They swap, she gives him cash and he gives her a new bundle of weed to move.

 

She also leaves with a new set of headphones, a snoopy can opener and the entire series Battlestar Galactica on DVD. Luke is always giving her odd things. 

 

She tries to tell herself she isn’t rushing, she isn’t doing anything any differently. 

 

She doesn’t even text Ben right away. She goes home, smokes a little, paces around her room. 

 

She makes it to nearly 3:06 before she texts him. 

 

_ I’m free if you’re around.  _

 

She only waits a minute, as per usual. 

 

_ 729 Foxwood Court  _

_ See you soon :)  _

 

She doesn’t answer, just looks at herself in the mirror. She’s in jeans and a hoodie because it’s cold and she’s been biking but she changes her shirt underneath so she doesn’t smell, at least. 

 

She puts the new weed in her safe, just bringing enough to sell to Ben. 

 

Then she throws on her jacket and gets on her bike and heads across town. 

 

***

 

Ben’s house is big. Really big. Massive. The driveway is a cul de sac, there’s three garages, it’s ridiculous. 

 

Rey blinks at the house as she props her bike up by the bushes. She doesn’t lock it, Ben had to buzz her in at the gate. No one is stealing her bike here. 

 

She’s not sure why she’s nervous, she’s not going to be staying for more than ten minutes. 

 

She still feels underdressed as she rings the bell, bouncing on the balls of her feet. 

 

Ben opens the door after a minute and Rey has to fight to keep her jaw from dropping. 

 

She’s never seen him dressed like this. He’s in black sweats and a white tee shirt and his hair is messy. He’s obviously just been laying around the house. 

 

He looks adorable and worse, he looks so  _ human _ , like someone she could just  _ reach out and touch _ if she wanted to— which she doesn’t. 

 

But still, Ben is easier to handle when he seems like another species completely. 

 

“Come on in,” he’s smiling, and he’s barefoot. 

 

Rey’s heart is hammering. 

 

She follows Ben into a massive marble entryway. The stairs split, there’s two wings to this house. Rey blinks. 

 

“Ya I know, it’s obnoxious.” 

 

“What is?” 

 

“The house,” he shrugs. “My mom— she’s a little ostentatious.” 

 

Rey thinks the definition of the word ostentatious is just the word ostentatious. Ben probably took SAT prep courses, probably enjoyed them. 

 

“It’s nice,” she says, because it is. “Uhm, here,” she hands Ben a little bag. He smiles, dimples appearing in his cheeks. 

 

“Thanks, my wallets upstairs.” Rey doesn’t move, just looks at the stairs. Ben shifts awkwardly. She feels so out of place here. “Do you like— do you wanna hang out? Smoke a little bit? I have— video games or movies and stuff.” 

 

Rey blinks at him. Why does he want to hang out with her? Does she want to hang out with him? 

 

No. Yes.  _ Desperately _ . 

 

“Where are your parents?” she says instead. 

 

Ben’s eyes flick away, and then back to her. He scratches his neck and then sighs, looking into her eyes. 

 

“My moms spending this month in Manhattan  _ for her health.  _ Kinda ridiculous I know, but she felt a breakdown coming on, I guess. It’s— well my dad’s in rehab. Again. He’s— he’s usually either out on a bender or he’s  _ getting clean _ somewhere but—“ he shrugs. “I don’t see him much, either of them really.” 

 

Rey doesn’t say sorry, she hates when people apologize to her about her parents, but she  _ feels _ it. 

 

She feels sorry for Ben Solo. How fucking weird. 

 

“I had no idea,” she says.

 

“No one really does,” Ben says. “I don’t— I don’t really want people to know.” 

 

“But you told me.” 

 

“Yeah,” he says, holding her gaze. “I did.” 

 

It’s quiet for a minute, Rey shifts. 

 

“I could hang for a little bit,” she says. Ben smiles again, and Rey feels the strangest sense of accomplishment for making his face light up like that. 

 

“Cool,” he says, and he nods his head for her to follow and leads her upstairs. 

 

Ben’s room is so  _ boyish  _ it’s startling. It’s pretty clean, but she can see a pair of boxers on the floor by a hamper and it smells like deodorant and a little like weed. There’s a MacBook on the bed and a tv mounted to a wall and an Xbox too. 

 

Rey thinks about what a luxury her refurbished phone is for her. She tries not to let jealousy creep into her thoughts. 

 

It’s actually kind of sad— thinking about Ben all alone in this giant, marble house. It feels like a mausoleum. 

 

“Sit anywhere,” he says, so she sits on the edge of his bed, toeing off her shoes so she can pull her feet up. He shuffles through a drawer and pulls out a bowl and a lighter. He opens the little bag Rey gave him and breaks apart a sticky nug, packing the bowl. 

 

When he sits, he sits right next to Rey. His long legs hand off the bed, bare feet on the hardwood floor. 

 

She can feel the heat from his body, she’s not usually this close to people, it makes her disoriented. 

 

He hands her the pipe and she takes it, lighting it and breathing in slow and heavy. 

 

The weed  _ is _ good, and she holds it in her lungs before exhaling, the skunky taste familiar and comforting. She passes it to Ben and watches as his cheeks hollow out. 

 

He’s so pale he looks carved from the same marble as the stairs in the entryway. 

 

She watches his lips as he exhales. They’re shiny with spit. She licks her own lips and looks away.

 

The pass the pipe back and forth a few times, and then Ben says, “Do you miss your parents.” 

 

Rey blinks at him. The obvious answer is  _ yes, _ but it’s not as simple as that. 

 

She wants to shrug it off, but she’s stoned and he’s  _ so close to her _ and his dad is an addict, too. 

 

“No, not the way you think. I hardly remember them.” 

 

Ben looks sad, his hand fists. 

 

“But I miss the idea of them,” she says. “The idea that someone would— I don’t know— come back for me. I just used to think it was just a mistake. That they must be looking for me, they must be coming back to get me. But no one came back, they disappeared. They’re not even in the system, not in jail or anything. Just gone. Probably dead, bodies marked as Jane and John Doe.” 

 

“That’s awful,” Ben says quietly. Rey nods. 

 

“I guess so, I just— it is what it is.” 

 

“It’s unfair.” 

 

Rey holds his eyes and says, “Yes, it is.” 

 

She doesn’t like this conversation, wants to take it back. 

 

“I think you must be incredibly brave,” Ben says, “to deal with all of that and still be—“ 

 

“Be what?” 

 

Ben sighs, shoulders tensing a little bit.

 

“Like you are, just— strong, put together. You’re so— you know—  _ tough _ .” 

 

Rey smiles, ducking her head. 

 

“Is that what you think of me?” She asks softly, surprised. 

 

Ben nods.

 

“Tip of the iceberg,” he says. “I think you’re smart and resourceful and spunky.” 

 

“Spunky!” she laughs, a real laugh, because Maz used to say the same. She shakes her head and looks back at Ben. He is smiling, eyes crinkling as he watches her laugh and he’s very close to her— their legs are pressed up together and she’s  _ in his bed _ and she feels so light and stoned and even a little happy. 

 

Ben’s eyes dip to her mouth and she knows it’s coming before it happens, but it still fucks her up when he leans in and presses his mouth to hers. 

 

His lips are so soft and plump and he tastes like weed and  _ good  _ and her lips part for a second before she remembers  _ this is a mistake  _ and she jumps back.  __

 

She’s off the bed and staring at him in a split second. 

 

“Shit, sorry I— I thought maybe— I just—“ Ben is stuttering and Rey feels panic creep in. 

 

What the hell does someone like Ben want with someone like Rey? Maybe he thinks since she’s trailer trash she’ll put out for the popular kid. 

 

She wishes he was wrong, but even now she’s not sure she can walk away. 

 

She turns around, trying to hide her face from Ben. She looks at his dresser, the drawer is still open and— and she can see inside. 

 

It’s full of weed, almost everything she’s ever sold him is just sitting here and— 

 

Rey feels the edge of panic turn into a tide, wash over her. She reaches into the drawer. 

 

“What the fuck, Solo?” 

 

“I can explain,” Ben says, and he’s standing up. 

 

But she already knows  _ why.  _ She’s been a fucking charity case to him this whole time. It must feel good to do  _ community service  _ in the form of buying weed off of a loser girl who can’t afford new shoes. She feels tears prick her eyes. 

 

“Don’t,” she says. “I get it. This is some weird— pity thing—“ 

 

“No,” Ben says sharply. “No Rey I— I just think—“ 

 

“You think what, Ben?” she says sharply. 

 

Ben looks flustered, frantic even. His cheeks and ears are red, even his neck is flushed. 

 

“I just think you’re beautiful, and I wanted to—“ he shrugs. “Talk more.” 

 

Rey blinks back tears. 

 

She knows she isn’t  _ ugly _ , but she isn’t anything special. Maybe if she had better clothes and makeup and a  _ future _ it would be different but she has the perpetually dusty look of someone who’s never been loved, and she knows it. 

 

Still, he called her  _ beautiful _ and Rey has never heard anyone use that word to describe her, not even Maz. 

 

She can be easy. She can be a distraction for Ben Solo, if that’s what he wants. 

 

It doesn’t mean anything, and she knows it. 

 

It would be so nice to be held…

 

She steps closer to him, his chest is rising and falling quickly. 

 

“You think I’m beautiful?” 

 

Ben exhales slowly. 

 

“Rey. You have  _ no  _ idea.” 

 

Rey swallows. 

 

Ben Solo usually looks so unaffected, she’s never even seen him mildly flustered. 

 

But he looks affected now. 

 

Rey gets closer to him, inching into his space until she’s nosing at his neck, pressing her face there and breathing him in. 

 

She feels him shiver her under her, hands tentatively coming up to touch her back. 

 

She kisses a vein on his neck, just pressing her mouth there and when she puts her hand on his chest she can feel his heart jackhammering against his ribs. 

 

She pulls back to look at him and he’s searching her face, nervous. 

 

She nudges her nose against his, hoping he will kiss her again because she has no idea how to do this. 

 

He dips his head so his mouth meets her again and it’s sloppy, he’s a little too eager, his mouth is half open right away but she feels  _ wanted  _ in a way that’s dizzying. She touches his face, and his hand tightens against her back and pulls her closer. They find a rhythm. His mouth moves against hers like waves, a ride coming and going and she makes an embarrassing little noise because this is more attention and affection than she’s ever had and it’s like

She’s suddenly starving— she can’t get close enough to him. 

 

His hands are all over her, greedy and pulling. She has no idea what she’s doing when she pulls her lips away to mouth at the cotton of his tee shirt where it covers his shoulder. She pushes him and he sits on the bed, scooting into the middle of it so she can follow. 

 

She’s moving mostly on instinct and partly by copying what she’s seen in movies or porn. She straddles his hips. 

 

“Say it again,” she says, and she doesn’t mean to sound so vulnerable. 

 

“You’re beautiful,” Ben says, and he sits up under her, pulling her chest flush against his so he can kiss her again. “Beautiful, seriously fucking— gorgeous,” his breath hitches and his voice breaks on the last word because she rolls her hips against him. 

 

She can feel him getting hard under her, swallows and blinks back tears. 

 

Even if it’s just this once,  _ especially _ if it’s just this once, Rey wants to bathe in the warm water of feeling so wanted, of being wanted by  _ Ben Solo.  _

 

He’s breathing fast when he puts his hands on her hips and presses up against her. 

 

“What… what do you wanna do?” he whispers. 

 

“Whatever,” she says, trying to sound indifferent. “Whatever you want. You can fuck me.” 

 

“Shit,” he says, and he shakes his head a little. “If— if you want. I never have before.” 

 

Rey swallows, debates just shrugging but she says, “Me either,” because she feels like she will regret it I’d she doesn’t. 

 

“You sure— you sure you want it to be me?” 

 

“It’s not like it matters that much,” Rey says. “Virginity is a social construct and I don’t—“ 

 

He’s kissing her again and he’s shaking under her.

 

“Okay,” he whispers. “I have condoms in the dresser— like not for this just— I’ve had them for a a year. Just in case—“ 

 

“Shhh,” Rey says with a smile, climbing off of him. 

 

He sits up and looking worried but she just takes the pipe and hands it to him. 

 

“Smoke,” she says, and she fishes in his dresser drawer until she finds a condom. She’s nervous, but incredibly eager. 

 

She doesn’t care about sex really but the idea of being held— of being close to someone— that’s too good to pass up. 

 

She she shrugs off her hoodie and then unbuttons her jeans and slips them down her legs. 

 

She’s in just a tee shirt and her underwear. 

 

“Shit,” Ben says, pipe in hand forgotten. Rey smiles and takes the bowl, lighting a hit for herself and breathing deeply. She feels the weed rush through her and breathes out slowly. 

 

She takes another deep hit and holds the smoke, climbing back onto Ben and leaning down. He opens his mouth, lets her pass the smoke and her tongue at the same time. 

 

He blinks dreamily as she pulls back. She rubs herself against him and his hands are on her legs now. They are are massive, each one spans an entire thigh. 

 

“We don’t have to do anything you don’t want to,” she tells him, touching his face. “I don’t mind.” 

 

“I want to,” Ben says. “I’ve wanted to for so long.” 

 

Of course he does, of course he has. What teenage boy isn’t dying to do it, regardless of who they’re with. 

 

Rey kisses him again and Ben touches her tits through her shirt. She debates taking it off but gets too nervous. She knows her boobs are too small and she worries Ben will laugh. He doesn’t try to undress her, just kisses her and touches her until she can feel him solid as steel and right against her, straining against his sweatpants. 

 

She lifts her hips, tugs on his sweats and he takes her hint, pushes them down. 

 

Rey resettles against his knees, looking down at him. 

 

She’s never seen a dick before and she hopes she doesn’t look horrified because it’s  _ big _ and so swollen and red that it looks painful. 

 

She reaches out a small hand and touches him and he jerks under her, gasping. 

 

“Did that hurt?” she whispers. 

 

“No, fuck no, that feels good.” 

 

Rey licks her lips and wraps a hand around him, moving up and down gently and slowly. 

 

Ben's eyes flutter and his head tilts onto his shoulder, as if the weight of it is too much to hold up. 

 

She rubs him against her underwear and he makes a choked noise and whispers “ _ Unreal _ ,” while she does.

 

Rey lifts her hips again, shimmying out of her panties with a furious blush. 

 

She’s not shaved or anything, why would she be? But Ben’s fingers are on her instantly, parting her folds and she’s embarrassed about how wet she is already. She tucks her head into his neck as he touches her. 

 

It feels good, just as good as his hands on her back or his heartbeat under her fingers. 

 

_ They’re touching everywhere.  _

 

Ben’s fingers are sticky when he brings them back between them and he puts them in his mouth which should be gross but isn’t at all. Suddenly she’s more turned on than she’s ever been. She fumbles with the condom wrapper and Ben tries to put it on, but it’s facing the wrong way way and they have to flip it around. 

 

“How do I?” he asks, and Rey takes him in her hand and pushes against him against her center, guiding him. 

 

It’s a really tight fit, she’s never had anything anywhere near this big inside of her but she can control the angle like this, and she slides down really, really slowly. 

 

Ben is hyperventilating and Rey leans down to kiss him, touch his hair, his cheek. He looks overwhelmed and her heart almost breaks because this— this is her new drug of choice and she won’t be able to get it again.

 

She inches down onto him until he’s buried in her and she makes a soft sound at being so stuffed. It feels really good— being full like this. 

 

They stay like that, catching their breath for a minute and then Rey says, “Okay, you can move.” 

 

“I can’t,” Ben whines, “Sorry fuck— sorry I—“

 

He sounds mesmerized, a little panicked. She kisses him, holding still until he catches his breath and starts to move under her. 

 

There's no real rhythm to his thrusts, but it feels  _ good _ and  _ deep _ and  _ different.  _ She’s being held, and kissed, and fucked and it’s so much that she has to squeeze her eyes to keep from crying. 

 

She grunts when he starts going faster. 

 

“Rey,” he says, his tone wondrous. “Oh my god.” 

 

“I know,” she pants. 

 

Ben looks starstruck, he looks lost and then found again. He’s holding her hips so tightly and then suddenly he’s pushing her off, rolling them over. 

 

She lets him, let’s him pin her down and angle himself again. She takes him easier this time, used to it now, and he sinks down into her without any resistance. 

 

His weight on her feels like finding god, like being saved. She feels safe and held and she has to tuck her head into his neck when she starts to cry. 

 

He fucks her faster, whispering her name and moaning against her face. 

 

“I’m close,” he says. 

 

“Let go,” she whispers against his ear. “I’ve got you.” 

 

Ben thrusts faster and then stills, gasping and grunting as he spills himself inside of her. 

 

Rey blinks away the last of her tears as he kisses her again and again and again. 

 

He pulls out tenderly and she feels him moving, taking the condom off and tossing it in the trash can. 

 

She’s just about to get up and get dressed when he’s suddenly back on her, pinning her and cradling her and kissing her head. 

 

He’s holding her, and everything in her brain says she should get up and leave but she  _ can’t.  _

 

Not when he’s pressing her down and nuzzling her neck. 

 

“You’re amazing,” he whispers into her hair, “just unbelievable, fucking gorgeous and tight and perfect.”

 

Rey has no idea what to do with praise, all she can do is hold Ben and let the feeling of finally,  _ finally _ being wanted wash over her. 

 

She deserves to enjoy this for a little bit. After all, she knows it won’t last. 

 

***

 

They cuddle for hours. Literally hours. They watch movies on Ben’s TV while he holds her and plays with her hair and every second Rey spends with him the greedier she gets. 

 

When he finally falls asleep, Rey carefully untangles from him and pulls her jeans on.

 

He opens his eyes and watches her get dressed. 

 

“Are you leaving?” 

 

“Yeah I— I gotta go home. Plutt will wonder,” she lies. 

 

Ben nods. 

 

“Okay, Rey I— I really liked this.” 

 

“Me too,” she says with a tight smile. 

 

Ben is sitting up now, looking at her. She wants to kiss him— doesn’t. 

 

“Do you want a ride?” 

 

“No, gotta have my bike.” 

 

“Okay, well will you text me that you got home safe?” 

 

“Sure,” she says, knowing she won’t. Every time he shows her even the most basic respect her broken heart tries to convince her it’s love. 

 

It’s not. It was casual sex between— god are they even friends? Hardly. He’s a client. 

 

A client who pities her, who sees her as a convenient lay. 

 

She grabs her backpack and smiles tightly. 

 

“Okay well, thanks.” 

 

“I can walk you out if—“ 

 

“No need,” Rey says, and she’s shaking her head, backing away from him. 

 

She turns and walks away before she can change her mind and if she cries while biking home well, that’s nobody's business but hers. 

  
  


***

 

She doesn’t text him, but he texts her. 

 

_ Did you make it back?  _

 

She ignores it. 

 

_ I’m getting worried… _

 

It’s probably a lie.

 

_ Rey please I’m gonna come find you if you don’t answer me.  _

 

Rey sighs deeply before texting back, preparing herself for her own words. 

 

_ I’m fine Ben, you don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself.  _

_ In fact, I prefer it that way.  _

 

She tosses her phone on her bed goes to shower. She checks her messages as soon as she’s out, and again after she changes into pajamas and again when she crawls into bed. 

 

But for the first time since she started texting Ben, he doesn’t text her back at all. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gahhh I know. The angst. We’re almost done tho 💕


	4. Four

Rey is such a coward because she actually fakes sick on Monday. 

 

She just isn’t ready to face Ben, she has no idea what she’s going to find there. Maybe cold indifference? Maybe pity? Maybe regret? She doesn't want to find out. 

 

But she also can’t hide forever, so on Tuesday she goes to school and doesn’t make eye contact with Ben at all. 

 

That works fine, for a bit, until her eyes slip and she finds his already on her and he looks— 

 

She doesn’t have words for how he looks. 

 

It shakes her enough that she keeps her eyes rn herself for the rest of the week. 

 

It’s not until Friday, when she’s walking out to her bike that she realizes he’s waiting for her at the flagpole. 

 

She seriously considers just turning around and walking the other way, and yeah okay maybe she’s a little bit of coward but she’s not one to  _ run _ so she hikes her bag up on her shoulder and walks right up to Ben. 

 

“You can’t honestly tell me you blew through everything in your drawer,” she says, hoping it relieves some of the weird tension. 

 

It absolutely doesn’t. 

 

“Rey,” Ben says, and he looks— he looks— _ miserable.  _ “Listen I am so sorry if you felt like I— like I pushed you into something you didn’t want to do, I never would have— have even kissed you, you know? Not if I didn’t think you wanted me to. Just please tell me if I hurt you? Or if I did—“ 

  
  


“Whoa,” Rey reaches out and touches Ben arm without thinking, she can’t watch him spiral. Is that what he thinks? That she didn’t want to do what they did?

 

“Ben I— I  _ wanted _ to sleep with you. I don’t regret sleeping with you,” she whispers to him, moving closer because she doesn’t want anyone else to hear her. She doesn’t want him to be embarrassed, or something. 

 

“Really? Because I will  _ hate _ myself Rey I swear to god—“ 

 

“I promise,” she says, and his chest is moving up and down so fast but he takes a long breath and his shoulders fall.

 

“Okay,” he breaths in and then out again. “Okay so maybe— was I just not good at it? Because I told you it was my first time and I didn’t— I learn quickly, and I’ll get better, I’m sure— I should have just paid more attention to you but I was so— you know— it was just a lot… for me, I mean. In a good way but. A lot.” 

 

Rey’s brain can’t catch up with her eyes, her ears. 

 

“What are you talking about?” 

 

“Well me, and you because— you obviously don’t want to talk to me anymore and I can’t quite figure out why but I just— wanted to make sure you were okay and that I— you could tell me, you know, if you wanted me to do things differently. I would, I could try.” 

 

Ben Solo looks  _ desperate _ . Rey steps back. 

 

“I don’t get this,” she says, a little dizzy, “I just thought you like— felt bad for me. Or wanted free weed, or something?”

 

Ben’s mouth opens and he blinks at her. 

 

“What?” The word is too loud, it transforms his face, burning away the soft, tender desperation that had been present a moment ago and morphing into something bitter and horrified before he’s softening back into frantic and confused. “Rey I— I’ve been in love with you since like ninth grade. I bought all that weed so you’d talk to me. I wanted to— to hang out with you. I have tried  _ so many times _ to talk to you, for  _ years.  _ And I just figured okay— she doesn’t like you, Solo, drop it, but then I thought— you know that— that maybe you liked me? When we—“ he swallows thickly. 

 

Only Maz has ever told her that she loves her, and only when she was leaving. 

 

She’s never had an  _ I love you _ that wasn’t also a goodbye. 

 

“You didn’t hurt me,” Rey says, shaking her head. She’s moving toward him again, closer than before, and she touches his arm again, looking down at her shoes. “I just— I always thought you felt bad for me, before. And now I just figured you’d be like, ashamed of me.” She shrugs, still unable to look at Ben’s face. She feels her eyes burn. 

 

Suddenly there’s a thud right next to her as Ben’s bag hits the grass at her feet. She barely has time to look up before his hands are on her face and his mouth is against hers. 

 

Ben is kissing her. Someone whoops behind them, she finds she doesn’t care. She pulls Ben back when he tries to pull away, but stops when she hears Poe yell “Finally Solo!” 

 

Ben is in love with her. Has been, even Poe knew it. 

 

“I’m so sorry,” Rey says, shaking her head as more tears threaten to spill. “Ben I’m so sorry I didn’t text you when I got home and I’m sorry I freaked out and avoided you and I’m sorry that I assumed the absolute worst of you,” she breaks off in a small sob, “when I had no reason to. I— I don’t know how to do this. Care about someone, be cared about. That’s… new.” 

 

Ben leans down and kisses her again. He’s pulling her body against his and running his hands through her hair. 

 

“We’ll figure it out together,” he tells her. “Please come over. Please—“ 

 

“No,” Rey says, and Ben pulls back to look at her. “Come to my house? My foster dad is gone for the weekend.” 

 

She knows Ben’s house is nicer, just as empty, better snacks. But she doesn’t want to hide from Ben right now. She has had a taste of feeling  _ seen _ and she wants more. 

 

“Yes,” he says, “absolutely yes.” 

  
  


***

 

Plutt’s house is a shithole compared to Ben’s. It’s really a bunch of trailers stuck together, double wide and a single and a half bath tacked on. 

 

It’s sort of crooked, and narrow, and everything is an ugly brown. 

 

Rey leads Ben into her room, pulling him inside and shutting the door. 

 

It’s freezing cold, the metal stings her fingers as she pulls her deadbolt closed. Old habit. 

 

She forgot that Ben is probably used to heat, and she scrambles to plug in her little space heater. 

 

She doesn’t know why she holds her breath, but she can’t help it as he turns around and takes stock of bedroom. 

 

The sun is already setting, it’s snowing, everything smells like iron and Rey’s gardenia perfume. Ben touches her dried flowers, the small stack of books on her desk, then he turns his dark eyes to her. 

 

“I know it’s kinda pathetic,” she says with a shrug, “we should have just gone to your house I don’t know what I was thinking.” 

 

“It smells like you,” Ben says. Rey shifts on her feet, nods. “I love it.” 

 

Then he’s walking toward her, wrapping an arm around her and kissing her. She could drown like this, drinking him down. 

 

“Thank you,” he tells her, “for bringing me here.” 

 

_ She feels seen.  _

 

Rey’s bed is not as big as Ben’s but when she sits on the edge he doesn’t follow her, instead he drops to the floor between her legs. Her feet are on the floor, she realizes it’s dusty, he’s going to get his pants dirty. 

 

_ That’s  _ the thought that makes her blush first, before Ben is unbuttoning her jeans and she realizes just  _ why _ he’s getting dirty in the first place. 

 

“Ben,” she says, as he tugs her pants down. She kicks them off. “You don’t have to—“ 

 

“I need to make you come,” he tells her, leaning up and kissing her mouth. “Please let me make you come,  _ please _ .” 

 

She doesn’t have any air left in her lungs when he gently pushes her back on the bed. Her legs are still hanging off the side, her underwear is still on. 

 

Ben kisses her between her legs, right over the plain blue panties she’s wearing and her stomach muscles all jump. 

 

“I’ll make it better this time, I promise,” Ben says, and he sounds so focused all she can do is squeeze her eyes shut. Her underwear are soaked and sticky when he pulls them off of her. “You want me to? Right?” 

 

Rey whimpers and nods her head fast because  _ oh,  _ she really does. 

 

Then Ben’s mouth is on her, kissing her in a place she has only ever explored in the quiet darkness of her bedroom. The same place that he fucked into her just a few days before. 

 

His tongue slides up from the very bottom of her slit to her clit, which he first tries flicking with his tongue. Rey jerks a little bit and Ben pushes a finger down against her center, sliding into her. 

 

Rey can’t help the sounds she's making now, all breathy little moans and whimpers. 

 

She can hear Ben  _ slurping _ at her. It’s obscene. 

 

When his lips close around her clit and he sucks she almost flies off the bed. He pulls back, startled, and she is about to apologize before he’s back between her legs and sucking again. 

 

He uses two fingers on her, pumping in and out slowly and stretching her gently and she knows she’s close to coming. It’s heavier and hotter and louder than anything she’s ever felt before, and her thighs start shaking, it’s hard to pull in air. 

 

Ben holds her, throws her legs over his shoulders and doesn’t relent at all. 

 

Rey comes so hard she feels like she’s drowning. Her vision spots and she feels a new rush of  _ wetness  _ gushing from her pussy against Ben’s mouth, which is still—  _ still— _ she tugs his hair, intending to push him off but he won’t move, is still licking her in long, broad strokes and she sobs as she flops back down with the realization that she might actually come again. 

 

“Ben, fuck,” she whimpers and the sound of her voice spurs him on. He adds a third finger, pushes them up inside of her and sucks on her clit again. 

 

She has tears in her eyes when she comes for the second time, sobbing out at the end of her orgasm. Ben licks her gently until she stops shaking. 

 

She can’t breathe. She can’t think. She can’t do anything except laugh a watery little laugh as he looks at her, chin and cheeks shiny. 

 

“Holy shit,” she says. 

 

“I told you I could be better,” Ben smirks. 

 

Rey laughs a little, chest heaving, and then she pulls her t shirt up over her head. 

 

She’s naked now, chest flush, and Ben’s eyes drop to her body. 

 

She likes being looked at. 

 

“Do you wanna fuck me?” she asks him. 

 

“So badly.” 

 

He’s pushing her up further onto the bed and shedding his clothes so, so fast. Before she can think he is on her, skin to skin, heartbeat to heartbeat. 

 

She can feel the hard line of his cock against her thigh, reaches down to feel him. 

 

He’s so soft, so hot and hard. 

 

Ben fiddles with the wrapper of a condom and gets it right this time, sliding it on easily. 

 

“I won’t last long,” he says, “I almost came just from licking your pussy.” 

 

He buries himself inside of her and she’s relaxed and open and wet for him, her body still singing. 

 

He holds her close to him as he fucks her. He whimpers and grunts and kisses everywhere he can reach, the same desperation from the flagpole still coursing through him. 

 

“Did you mean it?” she asks him, while he’s pumping into her. 

 

“All of it.” 

 

“Then say it, tell me. No ones ever— no one’s ever said it to me.” 

 

Ben stops fucking her, holds himself above her on his hands. 

 

“Rey, I love you,” he holds her eyes as he pulls back and pushes in again, slowly. “I love you.” 

 

Her heart is beating so fast, so,  _ so fast  _ as he starts to thrust again. He keeps his pace slow, he keeps his eyes on her. 

 

He doesn’t ask her to say it back. 

 

She will, she will— soon. 

 

“I’m close,” he pants, and Rey starts rocking her hips to meet him, squeezing him as much as she can and then he’s grunting against her neck as he comes inside of her. He looks beautiful like this, mouth open as if he’s surprised, as if he can’t believe what his body and her body can do together. 

 

After, Ben ties off the condom and throws it in Rey’s little trash can, and then he’s on top of her again. 

 

He kisses her over and over.

 

Rey doesn’t feel scared, which is so weird. This should be terrifying.

 

Instead it just feels warm and welcoming and so, so right. 

 

She presses her ear against Ben’s chest, half on top of him, and lets his hands wander over her body, touching everywhere they can reach. She feels remade in his hands, pieced back together, born again.

 

She feels loved. 

  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked it!!

**Author's Note:**

> what do you guys think 👀
> 
> If you don't already, follow me on [tumblr](http://r-e-a-l-m-a-t-h.tumblr.com) and [twitter](http://www.twitter.com/violethoure666)


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